


nott the best matchmaker

by nicole_writes



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, CSS workskins, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Matchmaker Nott | Veth Brenatto, Minor Beauregard Lionett/Yasha, Platonic Relationships, Protective Nott | Veth Brenatto, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:14:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29170152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicole_writes/pseuds/nicole_writes
Summary: Veth isn’t meddling.She isn’t. She just loves Jester and wants to make sure that her friend has the very best and if that means interrogating her friend’s potential love interest, then she’s willing to make that sacrifice.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett & Caleb Widogast, Beauregard Lionett & Nott | Veth Brenatto, Caduceus Clay & Nott | Veth Brenatto, Fjord/Jester Lavorre, Jester Lavorre & Nott | Veth Brenatto, Nott | Veth Brenatto & Caleb Widogast, Nott | Veth Brenatto & Yasha, The Mighty Nein & Nott | Veth Brenatto
Comments: 10
Kudos: 70





	nott the best matchmaker

**Author's Note:**

  * For [livmoores](https://archiveofourown.org/users/livmoores/gifts).



> so my lovely friend liv won a fic commission from me in a draw in a fire emblem server we're in and, i realized, how better to fulfill this gift than with her best girl from critical role which i credit myself with getting her absolutely addicted to. 
> 
> this should be read with workskins on for the full effect ;)

Detective Jessie  
  
OMG  
  
VETH. i have  
  
the most exciting news ever  
  
you do????  
what is it  
i'm in love  
WHAT  
WITH WHO  
his name is fjord and he's perfect  
veth, i'm in LOVE  


* * *

Cool Monk Shit  
  
who's fjord  
  
what?  
  
fjord  
  
who's fjord  
oh hes this dude jessie and i met last quarter  
we go to the gym together sometimes  
you have friends besides me and caleb?  
fuck you  
and yeah fjords cool  
send me a picture  
why do you care?  
i'm looking out for jessie  
ah. well in that case  
fuck you  


* * *

Caleb <3  
  
caleb who's fjord  
  
Fjord?  
  
oh nevermind. i don't know why i assumed you would know. you don't know anyone.  
  
Who is Fjord?  
jester's crush  
Oh.  
oh caleb, i didn't mean to...  
No, this is good, ja? Maybe this crush can distract her from her other friend?  
the traveler? unlikely. anyway, i guess i'm going to text yasha  
wish me luck  
Why would you need luck? Yasha is very nice.  
TO YOU MAYBE  


* * *

Yasha  
  
hey yasha  
  
Oh, hello Veth.  
  
do you, by chance, know who fjord is?  
  
Fjord? He is Beauregard's friend, yes?  
well i know that, but do you know anything about him?  
I think he is also friends with Cadueceus. I think they go to church together or something.  
GREAT! that's very helpful.  
how goes the ask-beau-out mission?  
Not well, I'm afraid.  
Every time I am around her I feel....Silly  
It is like Zuala and it isn't  
honestly yasha  
you could proposition beau in a parking lot and i think she would still bang you  
Maybe. But it is not about the banging. If anything, it is about everything but the banging.  
it's beau. there will be banging involved.  
Well, I mean, I do hope so.  


* * *

Deucey  
  
mr. clay!!!  
  
hello veth!  
  
do you know a fjord?  
  
fjord? oh, yeah, he's great.  
is he?  
great guy.  
really good?  
one of the best, i think.  
are you sure?  
i think i am.  
do you have a picture of him  
hmm, you know, now that i think about it, i don't think so. maybe you can ask jester or beauregard. i think they've been hanging out with him lately.  
  


* * *

Caleb <3  
  
Veth, I think I met this Fjord last night.  
  
WHAT  
  
HOW DID YOU MEET HIM FIRST  
  
I was with Beauregard at the library and we ran into him.  
AND YOU DIDN'T BRING ME WITH YOU  
If you recall, I did ask if you wanted to come. You said no.  
WELL YEAH, BECAUSE I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE GOING TO MEET THE FUTURE MR. LAVORRE!!!!!  
Is Jester that serious about him?  
NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT  
but tell me all about him  
especially all the bad stuff  
Well, unfortunately, he is very handsome.  


* * *

Cool Monk Shit  
  
do you like fjord  
  
are we doing this again  
  
hes my friend, yes i like him  
  
but is he good enough for jester  
jester likes fjord?  
i probably wasn't supposed to tell you that  
nah, id have figured eventually  
i can see it  
well  
can you send me a picture of fjord  
so that i can see it  
that one was a bit clever  
let me find a pic  


* * *

Detective Jessie  
  
OMG i need your help  
  
i'm taking fjord to see mama tonight  
  
and i don't know what to wear!  
  
what do i say???????  
is this a date??????????  
NO  
at least....not yet anyway  
what does that mean  
we're going as friends  
but gosh veth, what if he completely charms mama???  
i can't NOT NOT bring him home forever then  
and he's going to totally charm mama  
he's very charming  
you know, i did see a photo of him  
he's handsome  
a photo?? from whooo????  
beau sent it to me  
why is beau sending you pictures of fjord?  
if you want pictures of fjord i can send you all the BEST pictures of fjord  
he even let me take his picture last week so that i have a reference to draw him from  
veth, he's SOOOOOO perfect  
more perfect than the traveler?  
The Traveler is different!  
fjord is like totally perfect otherwise though. he's not supposed to be The Traveler. he's supposed to be fjord.  


* * *

Book Boy  
  
is veth being weird  
  
Veth is quite often weird, Beauregard.  
  
she keeps asking me about fjord  
  
its like shes obsessed with him  
I think she is trying to make sure that he is good enough for Jester.  
wow lmao rip fjord  
mans gonna fail that inspection  
I thought you liked Fjord  
i do, hes great. but its veth. shes going to kick his ass  
Does he like Jester back?  
you know  
im not sure  


* * *

Maybe: Fjord  
  
alright mister listen up  
  
you have got ten minutes to impress me  
  
Sorry, but uh, who is this? I don't recognize this number.  
  
DON'T PLAY DUMB WITH ME MISTER  
it's veth. jester's friend.  
and you have ten minutes to prove to me that you care about jester enough to deserve her  
What?  
jester  
you know, cute tiefling with blue skin and those pretty purple eyes?  
who is obviously too good for you  
Oh, you're Beau and Jester's friend. I guess it's nice to meet you, Veth.  
don't give me that, mister nice guy  
impress me  
I don't see why I should do that?  
so you can date jester  
...Date Jester?  
oh NO  


* * *

Caleb <3  
  
caleb i have made a mistake  
  
caleb i think i accidentally told fjord that jester likes him  
  
Veth, this is not why I got Fjord's number for you from Beauregard  
  
I KNOW AND I'M FREAKING OUT, OKAY  
You should probably be talking to Jester, ja?  


* * *

_ Outgoing call: **Detective Jessie** _

_ Call Ended: **2 Hours, 7 Minutes** _

* * *

Detective Jessie  
  
veth veth veth veth veth veth  
  
did i mess it all up  
  
jester i'm so sorry  
  
don't apologize  
just be a bridesmaid at our wedding  
you're dating now?????  


* * *

_ Incoming call: **Detective Jessie** _

_ Call Ended: **17 Minutes** _

* * *

*begrudgingly* Fjord  
  
well fjord  
  
Veth  
  
treat her right  
  
or i WILL come after you  
I have no intention of letting anything bad happen to Jester. Ever.  
I'm mad for her  


* * *

Cool Monk Shit  
  
since i'm in the business of successfully setting up my friends with their true loves  
  
you should ask yasha out  
  
she's been trying to ask you out for weeks  
  
WHAT  


* * *


End file.
